Tree of Life - Hope by Nicole

 

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.  But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life”.

                                                                                                        Proverbs 13:12

A Moment of Hope

In “A Moment of Hope”, think about the seeds that you planted in the ground and decide if it’s time to reap the love of grace and favor you have sowed. 

Remember the secret to good things in life is understanding that there is peace in the midst of every storm.

A Movement of Hope

While you are in the eye of a pandemic, a grief you have never seen or experienced before, Mother Nature politely asks you to have hope. Holding the world gently in her hands, Mother Nature requests that you reset your courage button and restore to the world that hope is not in vain.

While restoring your hope, observe how the universe is changing and with this change, fear is not an option, but faith is. 

On the journey of restoring your hope, see the universe with new eyes; see the garment of true love, dancing like the flowers that bloom after a long night of summer rain.

Have a Fresh Drink of Water

Stand still to see the light in your hope; and remember justice from the light arrives from the darkness.  Allow hope to come into your heart, reclaim your faith and see the wonder of it all.

Adjusting to the New Normal of Hope

As we began to understand that the old normal is gone and the new normal is here to stay, you will find that brilliant twinkle in your hope.  On your journey, keep on believing until you see the sparkle that rises up, a sparkle that has unchained your shackles and set you free to see we are all inter-related.  Find the courage to see that “all men and women are created equal.”

And finally, as you listen during your quiet time, trying to hold on to hope, hope of adjusting to your “new normal,” reintroduce yourself to the light of the sun that shines down so brightly; and, wait for the ‘higher power’ to make its move.

“Father I am available to You

Father use me to show someone the way

And enable me to stay

My storage is empty and I am available to You”

Amen

I was and I am. by Kitti

On Nov 12, 2018, I was hit by a car and no more sounded real. In a dream, I felt like in 2 or 3 days to go home with my friends. But in fact, I lay coma for 4 weeks, said Regina, my friend/my “sister”. In hospital, it was frightful and dreadful to me in 5 months. So quick and so slow with me. 

After hospital, Regina and I live together. Regina is my guardian and handles the lawyers, caregivers, NAA and Stroke Comeback Centre. She is also B2 visa, Tourist visa, with me. Before Choice Hotel International was H1B visa but I don’t work. Last April and October, I cried in tears and suicidal thoughts. Times go by, I was and I am. Before accident, Regina and I were co-workers. After accident, Regina and I are best friends and “sisters”. 

I am still me. I have walk and talk slower than before. Yet, I am traumatic brain injury survivor and have Aphasia. I am working English lesson and speaking. My hobby is painting between my thought. I was and I am.

Mountain Top Preview - Just Breathe by Nicole

Today, as I held on to my breath of life, I saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky displaying multiple fantastic colors. 

As I perceived that rainbow bowing down to greet me, I, without awareness, rose up to meet that rainbow.  In experiencing such a beautiful, beautiful rainbow, I could not imagine where heaven ended and where the earth began.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

Subconsciously, I often think about how it feels to catch a rainbow in the sky, while twirling around its whimsical colors.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

During the coronavirus, in what can be some of our darkest days, do not be afraid. This is a time in our life that we must gently work ourselves through silence and peace around us.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

During your trying times, think about “how your skin feels when it is touched by nature’s sun.”

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

We may consider this time in our lives as a period of trials and tribulations, we must constantly remind each other, that our spiritual self is a higher power. 

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

In your quiet time, while being quarantined at home, take a moment out to allow peace to come into your heart.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

Take time out to stand still and revisit your life’s trials and the lessons learned from them.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

Take time out to softly listen to the beat of your heart.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

As we climb up the “Mountaintop Preview” of our lives, remember each morning when we open our eyes to witness another day, give thanks for the glory of it all.  Try to live each day for what it is, a brand-new day.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

Like a dream that vanishes in the morning light, there is a sign of hope.

Just Breathe and Remember the Rainbow….

Until we are able to look down from the Mountaintop of our lives and see the beauty of it all….

Just Breathe….

Rolling Stone - Finally Home by Nicole

Rolling Stone - Finally Home

Freed from the Caged Bird

 

For many years I felt like a captured caged bird that sings and sings and sings, just waiting for someone to come by, open the caged door and allow me to fly free.

 

After months of rehabilitation, I realized that my post-stroke nourishment is releasing me from the emotional bird cage that binds me. 

 

My post-stroke feeding is forcing me to look into the mirror and see my kindred spirit knocking at the door; a kindred spirit that takes me so deep that I do not realize where I have gone until the zone hits me forward-on.

 

My post-stroke feeding is healing my soul.

 

After having my stroke, I had to flip that feeling of anger.  Like many others I asked myself, why did I have a stroke? Being the youngest sibling, why me? My resounding answer was, “why not me”. 

 

As a little girl, up to a large portion of my elder-hood years, I felt like that captured caged bird, constantly wondering where I belong, where I belong.  Do I really belong here?    

 

Being a wanderer, I remember moving from job to job, home to home, searching for that perfect job and that perfect place to live.  I became so excited with that new job or new home… until the novelty wore off.  One day I asked myself, what am I running from?  What am I running to?

 

Being so restless, like the caged bird, I finally realized, I was running from myself.  Every job I worked, every home I moved into, each time I was taking me along with it.

 

My post-stroke rehab is gentle forcing me to take the time out to see my life for what it is, freeing myself from that cage.

 

My post-stroke life is teaching me to understand that as aphasia comes in different storms and waves, you just ride it out.

 

In my heart of hearts, my post-stroke life is teaching me to understand that beauty is truth, and that truth is beauty.

 

My post-stroke life is showing me that rainbows and butterflies dance in the sunset.

My post-stroke life is showing me how to open up the door of my bird cage, accept who I am, and come out ‘flying into the storm’.

 

And above all, my post-stroke life shows me…

my life is just a rolling stone that finally, finally has come home.

 

Word:  We start off very low and rise up high, telling people who we really are***

 

Gratitude Letter by Nicole

Dear Stroke Comeback Center (SCC),

After having a stroke, I am grateful for all of the reassurance you have provided when I was lost in the wilderness and could not find my way.

I thank you for teaching me I can continue to enjoy my journey in life without skipping a beat.

At times when I only recognized the old normal me, I thank you ‘SCC’ for gently showing me how to accommodate the new normal me.

Thank you for understanding me and showing me how to accept and embrace the new normal me when the old normal me is pecking at my door.

I thank you for showing me, it’s okay to let go of my pride, after realizing I cannot do some of the things I could do before my stroke and showing me how to patiently ride out the storm.

I thank you for giving me a temporary home to visit each week and share with the stroke survivors and strivers, although some of us may have an injured left wing, we can still fly on our right wing.

I thank you for showing me when aphasia comes a knocking, patiently wait and welcome her with gladness.

I thank you ‘SCC’ for teaching me how to bring aphasia alive without being afraid and welcoming her with open arms. 

After having my stroke, I thank you for gently showing me I do not have to be lost, but be a witness of joy in the midst of it all.

And above all ‘SCC’, I give you my gratitude for showing me I can adapt to my new way of life with peace, beyond measures I never believed was possible or imagined.

SCC, I Truly Truly Thank You For Your Services….. 

Nicole –

Comments: As I began the year of 2020, it is my hope to welcome and invite stroke survivors and strivers to rise up and be at peace with their new normal.

Patience and Gentleness by Nicole

In layperson’s terms, we know what Aphasia is. Aphasia is after having a stroke, sometimes when we try to speak the words and the words will not come. We internally know what the words are we are trying to express, but it feels like it’s, as they say, on the tip of our tongue. The words feel like they are on the tip of our brain but will not spill over. When the words will not come, it feels like there are stagnant brain cell messengers trying to switch over to replace the brain cell messengers that burned out during our stroke.

We find ourselves pushing and breathing from our diaphragm when the words will not come. When the words finally appear we can, exhale. Sometimes in a way, after having a stroke, it’s like learning to speak again from a baby’s breath. We have somewhat gotten use to our daily chore of speaking in Aphasia language.

In this Blog I am going to simulate Aphasia by bringing her alive.  I am going to tell you a story about Aphasia and her Stroke Comeback Center partner, Survivor.

Now Aphasia is her code name. Her first name is Patience and her last name Gentleness.

At the end of this story, eventually Aphasia and Survivor come to a meeting of the minds by deciding to be in a perfect reunion.

Okay Stroke Comeback Center Survivors and Strivers, no chains are holding us, so let’s rock and roll!

 

Aphasia:        Knock, Knock

Survivor:        Who’s there?

Aphasia:        Aphasia

Survivor:        Aphasia who?

Aphasia:        You know me, I am Aphasia, Patience Gentleness, who knocks and knock at your door each day.

Survivor:        Oh, I know you Aphasia, who knocks at my door each day. Sometimes I get so discouraged and wish you would just go away.

Aphasia:        Survivor, today will you be rough and tough with me, or gently allow me to play and just let me be.

Survivor:        But what will I do when the words will not flow.  Please tell me how I will allow my vocabulary to grow.

Aphasia:        Now be patient Survivor, I ask you to continue to push and push the words from your brain.  Push and push until your words began to rain.

Survivor:        Oh my Aphasia, whose brain limbs stretches far and wide.  You have such beautiful branches that almost reach the sky.

Aphasia:        Just remember Survivor when your words will not come, don’t run and hide; that’s no such fun.

Survivor:        Aphasia will you show me your Patience when I am feeling up-side down and inside-out; those days will you please gently direct my route.

Aphasia:        Pay attention Survivor, you may have a plan.  When you lose your words, push and push by showing them, “Yes I Can”.       

Survivor:        When my words tumble up, and they don’t make sense, will Gentleness show up and take a bow when I am too tense.

Aphasia:        Now, now, Survivor, when your words will not come, patiently wait, they are just on the run.

Survivor:        Well Aphasia, notwithstanding a miracle, you will never completely go away. So I guess I will accommodate you and welcome you to stay.

Aphasia:        Survivor, believe in yourself and know I will be here if you call, to catch you with my patience and gentleness whenever you fall.

Words of Thought: I thank the Stroke Comeback Center (SCC) for showing me, as a survivor and a striver, I can still rock and roll!  I thank the SCC for reminding me, “mountains are still being moved in my life; strongholds are still being loose”. We are all special in SCC; we made it through our stroke.

Comments: I thank my sister Rev. Maude Harrison-Hudson, who would gently mention to me, after I returned home from in-patient rehabilitation, to think of patience and gentleness, when the words will not come. Love you Maude JJ

 

Good Morning Ms. Autumn Sunshine by Nicole

Illustrated by Baby Girl Nikki, Nicole's graddaughter. Nikki’s illustration shows each leaf  is pronounced with it’s own individual vines of life  

My first autumn memory, which stays with me, was returning to school after summer break.  Each year, a few days after Labor Day, of course before there was the alarm of climate change, it would rain nonstop in our city.  For days, it would rain as if we were in the middle of monsoon season.  Although we wore rain coats and carried an umbrella, the rain would come down horizontally and we were soaked.   

I remember as a little girl, at the end of what I refer to as monsoon season, the sun would come out, shining so brightly, we had to wink to see our hands before us.

I remember as a little girl, after the rainy period, the shedding of the colorful autumn leaves would appear.  As the leaves begin to doze off the trees, I knew the spring and summer had completed their yearly journey. 

I remember as a little girl, after the true notice of autumn arrived, the leaves graciously begin to slow dance from the trees with a gentle slumber.

I noticed the different color variation of the falling leaves.  I noticed the yellow-green sugar maple leaves that are more subtle but no less beautiful or distinct. 

I notice the majestic orange-red color leaves, which peak a bright vapor of pastel green pattered with orange that presents a striking diverse appearance.

And, I noticed the most colorful leaves in autumn, the maple red leaves that can be a brilliant scarlet or a maroon, that just takes your breath away. 

Those of you who are visual people, who have a more profound sight of seeing a picture as I see; can you imagine seeing a little girl twirling around and around in the colorful leaves that are falling from the trees with the wind gusting her to a point of breathless laughter.

Can You See Her?

Those of you who are audio people, who can hear what I hear; those of you with a higher hearing pitch of accuracy, can you imagine hearing the wind swirling the colorful leaves around a little girl demanding that she run faster and faster in the blowing leaves, taking her breath away.

Can You Hear the Wind Blowing?

Prior to my stroke, as an elder-hood person, I had forgotten all about observing nature’s beauty.  Take time out in your life, on any day, as they say, smell the roses.  Take time out to re-introduce yourself to nature; the rivers, the lakes, the mountains, the clouds, trees and flowers.  They are nature as you are nature.  You may surprise yourself how accommodating and peaceful you can be, sharing time with another species of nature.

I now understand autumn is my favor time of year.  Autumn is a beginning and ending of a season who shows you how gently life can be, if you allow it.

As a little girl, these are my greatest “Fall Memories”